Transformation of a Priest

It's hard to think of a priest like Fr. Joseph, MIC, entertaining doubts about his priesthood or being frozen in fear, but it did happen.

Father Joseph, the honorary title of the director of the Association of Marian Helpers, a position occupied by Fr. Seraphim Michalenko, MIC, recently spoke of a traumatic time early in his priesthood.

After his ordination (Pentecost Sunday, May 20, 1956), Fr. Seraphim says he was "indifferent to my ministry. I wasn't sure it was amounting to much. I was scared. For instance, I found it difficult to make visits to hospitals. I didn't know how I could spiritually empower others who were in need."

He tells of being invited to give a retreat for young people near Detroit, Mich.

"I was scared stiff," he says. "The closer I came to the date, the more worried I became. I felt unprepared. I thought it was going to be a flop."

Father Seraphim somehow got through the first day of the retreat, and the kids were respectful. However, he says when he went back to his room, fear overwhelmed him again. He couldn't sleep.

"For the first time in my life, I cried for the Holy Spirit to help me," he says. "Suddenly, I felt a 'click' in my brain, like a tape recorder going on. The words came to me." He wrote them down - words for his talk at the retreat - and then he went back to bed. What happened next has stayed with him all his life.

"I felt something deep within my gut," Fr. Seraphim relates. "I began to laugh. I experienced a deep feeling of exhilaration. I laughed and laughed. I later learned that laughter and a feeling of elation is one of the signs of the Holy Spirit."

Father Seraphim got up the next morning, transformed, "like the difference between night and day." One of the brothers at the house where he was staying passed him in a hallway and said, "What happened to you?"

It was evident something had happened. The rest of the retreat went well. Later, he got a letter of thanks from the organizer. The letter mentioned that the young people couldn't remember ever being at a retreat that good.

Father Seraphim's concerns and struggles didn't magically vanish, and he still had moments when he "felt awful," but he knew enough then and certainly knows now that the distress and the relief were "God working and not myself." Later, he had an experience with a charismatic prayer group, and he "let go" of his fear. After that, he "found it very easy to talk to people in hospitals, to give talks, to minister to those in need."

Surrendering to God's will "made a total difference," he says. "I was on the verge of leaving the priesthood. That's like wrestling with an angel. The experience prepared me for the tasks that were ahead of me, assignments that were far beyond my abilities."

One of those tasks was "taking charge" of The Divine Mercy message. Another was being named vice postulator for the cause of St. Faustina. Still another was directing the Association of Marian Helpers.

The point is, Fr. Seraphim says, "With God, all things are possible."

Dan Valenti writes for numerous publications of the Marians of the Immaculate Conception, both in print and online. He is the author of "Dan Valenti's Journal" at thedivinemercy.org.
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